The fact that conference participants expressed full and enthusiastic support for Orthodox women rabbis offers some sense of the disconnect between this grassroots community and the formal leadership of Modern Orthodoxy. It suggests, as did many of my encounters at the conference, that Modern Orthodox decision-makers are out of touch with the lived experiences of their constituents. Nowhere was this disconnect more apparent than in Rabba Sara Hurwitz’s plenary lecture. As she was called to the stage as “Rabba,” the entire room stood and cheered. This was clearly a place where the Rabbinical Council of America’s pronouncements were irrelevant at best, where Hurwitz was and is Rabbi.

However, as Hurwitz spoke, she revealed that while the audience was ready to take on the RCA, she is not.

Refusing to use words such as “clergy,” “ordination,” “semikhah,” or even “rabba,” Hurwitz spoke about the idea that “women will be spiritual leaders.” She explained that the evasion of these terms was in order to placate others, to avoid unnecessarily offending or provoking, to acknowledge that perhaps “people are not ready” for the title. It is hardly surprising that at the end of her speech, only a small handful of people stood for her. I could see from my seat towards the back that the people who were gripped by the urge to stand as “Rabba” was introduced lost that urge by the time the talk was over. Hurwitz had a constituency, and she let them go.

To claim that Orthodox women will be spiritual leaders is absurd, and even insulting.

READ THE REST AT THE FORWARD SISTERHOOD

Right now, I am tied to the coffee table in the living room… My wrists and ankles are bound to the table legs with some sort of rope…I remember a different coffee table, a different living room. It was a long time ago, and I was sitting at a class for newly married ladies. I wasn’t married yet, just engaged. But already I was important. I was part of the in-crowd… A plump, cheery lady was in charge of the speech and she was almost yelling at us, her rapt, awed audience. …We must be flexible in pleasing our husbands, she said. We should try to move beyond what we are comfortable with. Sometimes men will ask for things that we find strange or unpleasant and we should try to go along as best we can. Or sometimes they will ask at the wrong time, like when her husband asked for intimacy after a close friend had a tragedy. She raised her voice and lowered it; there was a sing-song quality to the way she spoke. I remember being mortified and fascinated at the same time. Why was she telling us about her personal sex life? Will she tell us more? What else did her husband ask for? What could our husbands ask for that is strange or unpleasant? We should try to acquiesce, she went on, because sholom bayis means understanding how hard it is to be a man. Never do anything against halacha, of course, chas v’sholom. But a good wife will try to please her husband and accommodate him, even if the requests seem odd or unusual.

….He stands over me, panting in my ear. You want this bitch, sluts like you like it this way. Am I supposed to smile? Will that make him happy? I smile. I turn my eyes away from him. I look at the candles, there are so many of them and all different colors too. He likes each of our sons to light his own menorah.
He’s pushing something into me, some sort of object, maybe a bottle or a cucumber. It feels more like a cucumber. It would be funny if it didn’t hurt so much. Rape by produce. I try to close my legs tighter but it just hurts more. I have to learn to relax and not fight it.

…Yesterday he got upset because I accidentally said “shel Chanukah” when our nusach is to leave out the “shel” part. Why did I say it? Was it an accident or did I do it on purpose, because it fits the tune I know and because I didn’t care if it would irritate him? He yelled at me, saying I was trying to turn his children into maskilim by disrespecting his nusach. Where do you want me to come, slut? I can come on your face, or here, or here. He jams his fingers in me and twists my nipple.

Read the rest here.

Now that homosexuality is “in,” the religious community has quickly turned its attention in the sexual abuse affair of Rabbi Mordechai Elon from talking about sexual abuse to talking about homosexuality. Put differently, focus has shifted from sympathy for the alleged victims to sympathy for the alleged perpetrator. If this discourse continues, it will add travesty to tragedy, miss a vital opportunity to root out evil from the community, and reinstate same old boys’ network that is Orthodox Judaism, only this time in the place that was meant to promote change.

Here are a few examples of this troubling shift: A Ynet columnist claimed that the “essence of the trauma” has more to do with “Rabbi Motti’s” supposed sexual orientation than with the allegations that he sexually abused students. A religious academic wrote that these events signal a new era in Orthodoxy’s relationship to gays. Haaretz outrageously mislabeled an important article by Zeev Segal analyzing penal law regarding sexual assault on minors in the context of the Elon case with the headline, “Can Israel’s religious community finally accept its homosexual members?”. And the blogosphere is filled with online discussions about the Elon affair, like this one, that focus on homophobic sexual repression in religious education.

The shift of discussion from sexual abuse to homosexuality may be good for religious gays, but it is also an excuse to sweep other issues under the rug. Neri Livneh, a member of Takana, the religious Zionist forum that secretly investigated Elon for years before telling the public and fully involving the police, wrote a very disappointing article in Haaretz that attempted to explain why Takana acted in secretive silence and excluded most of its female members (who are in a minority to begin with) from deliberations on theElon case. Livneh was addressing Dr. Hana Kehat, founder of Orthodox feminist organization Kolech and one of the initial visionaries behind the establishment of Takana, who resigned from Takana along with Kolech in protest over its treatment of Elon affair. His article, entitled, “’Is the fuss over Rabbi Mordechai Elon down to his homosexuality?”, claims that Kehat was excluded was because of her “fighting spirit,” and that they (read, “the men”) were afraid that she “wouldn’t cooperate in concealing the case.” As if this patronizing attitude wasn’t enough – with men taking over as if they are the ‘true’ leaders and making decisions about who is allowed to speak and who is not – Livneh added that, “the ones who have gained the most from the story are religious homosexuals, and I of course welcome this.” It seems that the men were afraid that Kehat and the other women on Takana may actually want to focus on the victims of sexual abuse rather than on the reputation of poor Rabbi Elon.

The juxtaposition of the needs of men, homosexuals and women highlights religious Zionist priorities: men come first, no matter what, even if they are potential sexual offenders, and the women’s job is to stay quiet while the men do their thing. So Takana, it turns out, is little more than a classic boys’ club. According to Nachum Barnea of Yediot Aharonot, for three years the heads of Takana refused to give the Attorney General Elon’s name because they did not want to ruin his life. The men of Takana thus spent three years protecting protecting “one of their own”. Indeed, had the affair not broken when it did, Elon would have likely been a *member* of Takana. One has to wonder if any of the other men on the forum have something to hide.

All this is bad enough, but there is a bigger problem with the shift to discussing homosexuality: Elon ’s alleged actions have nothing to do with homosexuality and everything to do with power, control and manipulation. Takana members ought to read Susan Brownmiller’s 1973 classic, “Men, Women and Rape,” in which she demonstrates unequivocally that rape has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with the desire of one person to control and dominate the other. The stories emerging from the Elon affair are classic examples of this dynamic: the charismatic, powerful, megalomaniacal rabbi who thrives on the adoration of his pupils, needs those pupils to serve him and demonstrate their submission to his power. Put it this way, if Elon was merely a repressed homosexual, he would have maybe had an affair, or perhaps lived a tormented double life, unsure about his identity, perhaps depressed and confused and certainly plagued by doubts and insecurities. That hardly fits the profile here. The alleged abuse paints a portrait of a man who lied and manipulated the most vulnerable students, at their tender moments – when they came to him seeking counsel. This is about domination and control, not about sex.

The homosexuality discussion thus masks the real issue while offering an excuse for the attacker. Rabbi Aharon Lichtenstein, the highest status rabbinic member of Takana, issued a formal ruling that Elon is considered “anoos”,literally, “raped”, which means halakhically that he sinned against his will. “He got a little carried away,” Lichtenstein said. “Does that mean we have to remove his books from the beit midrash? No…We don’t have to totally erase all kinds of things that he did with his life…He was a holy educator.” Similarly, Rabbi Haim Drukman has vowed to “protect” Elon , and Rabbi Mordechai Eliyahu, who called Elon a “tzaddik.” Columnist Jonah Mandel brought quotes from religious educators saying, “Everybody sins: rabbis, scholars, people with long beards and white beards who talk Torah,” and “I feel nothing but great pain for [Elon], his family, his students, all of us. And who knows, he might be in a process of repentance as we speak,” he said of Elon. As if to say, the victim here is Elon. Still others are almost dismissive of the entire story, like Daniel Gordis who arrogantly called it a “tempest in a teapot”, and absurdly attempted to replace the entire episode with an abstract discussion about Zionist history (!). One has to wonder about the men who work so hard to set aside or cover up the discussion of sexual violence. Perhaps they, too, have something to hide.

The kinds of sins that Elon is accused of should not be so easily excused. This isn’t about some personal flaw, a lack of self control in which he pretty much only hurts himself. This is about hurting another human being, a child no less. There are potential victims here, and Elon is not one of them. According to one witness account, a teenager came to Elon for guidance in dealing with his homosexual feelings. Elon gave him a speech about the evils of homosexuality – and then told the boy that as part of his ‘therapy’, he should take off his pants, and Elon allegedly rubbed the boy’s genitals and then had the boy rub his. If this story is true, then sexual orientation is not the tragedy here – I would say it’s irrelevant. This is a story about the trauma of going to someone you trust when you are vulnerable and in need of help and guidance and instead getting abused and exploited to fulfill the man’s fantasy. This is the kind of control and manipulation that a person does not get over so fast, if at all. It will affect him sexually, and it will affect his relationships and his ability to trust others. And probably, like all abuse victims, he will be plagued by guilt and self-blame and wondering what’s wrong with him that he ‘invited’ such actions.

Elon’s alleged actions would make him not a fallen tzaddik but just another sexual predator.
If only the members of Takana, self-appointed guardians on this issue, truly understood what this was all about. Had they kept the women in the discussion, they might have learned a thing or two about the real dynamics of sexual abuse. They may have protected potential victims over the past three years. And perhaps then, the victims may have had a truly representative voice.

To remind people that using women as sex objects in order to sell products is hurtful and distorted, WIZO has launched a campaign for the second year in a row to highlight “Israel’s Most Sexist Commercials of the Year.” No, not “sexiest” but most “sexist.” Their criteria for “sexist” is frighteningly simple. Sexist ads are ones that chop up women’s bodies into parts or depict women’s bodies without the faces, that depict women’s bodies as edible replacements for food or meat, that offer women’s bodies as objects for sale or consumption, that reinforce stereotypes and stigmas about women, that infantilize women or portray women as stupid, that promote women as sexual servants, that encourage violence or sexual violence against women, and that legitimize rape.

Read the rest and watch the ads at the Forward Sisterhood.

The survey results show a distinct widening of the gender gap in salaries. Last year, the gap was 26%; in 2007 the gap was 25%; in 2005, the gap stood at 23%. It exists in all levels of employment, but increases in senior management positions. The gap is 24% among CEOs, 26% among those second in command, and 41% among product managers. The widest gap of 49% is noted among marketing managers, in which men earn on average 29,480 NIS ($7,833) per month and women earn on average 19,730 NIS ($5,243) per month. Only in administrative positions does the gap all but disappear — with monthly wages of 5,270 NIS ($1,400) for men and 5,260 NIS ($1,397) for women.

Read the rest at the Forward Sisterhood.

Here is more exciting info from JOFA:

WORLD RENOWNED ACTIVISTS, SCHOLARS, AND RABBIS TO “JOIN THE CONVERSATION” TO FIND MEANING AND EXPLORE SOCIAL VALUES WITHIN ORTHODOX JUDAISM

JOFA Conference Kicks Off with First-Ever Film Festival; Two U.S. Premieres

Middle School Students to Participate in “Day of Empowerment”

The Jewish Orthodox Feminist Alliance (JOFA) 2010 Film Festival and Conference will take place on March 13^th from 8 p.m. to Midnight and March 14^th, from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m., at Columbia University’s Alfred Lerner Hall, 2920 Broadway, New York City.

The JOFA Conference is the country’s largest, most diverse and vibrant gathering of Modern Orthodox Jews. Featured speakers include, Yeshiva University President Richard Joel, Tamar Ross, Rabbi Daniel Sperber and 2009 National Jewish Book Award winner Judy Klitsner. It also brings together new female Orthodox Rabbinic leaders such as Rabba Sara Hurwitz with original trailblazers such as Blu Greenberg and Reb Mimi Feigelson. JOFA invites participants to “‘Join the Conversation” and ask difficult, but essential, questions in order to find new meaning and explore social values within Orthodoxy.

“Not only will traditional feminist issues such as women’s leadership and ritual inclusion of women be highlighted but Jewish themes of social justice and spirituality will also be explored. It is a conference for everyone that cares about the direction of Orthodoxy” says JOFA President Carol Kaufman Newman.

Exhibitions and text study will be interspersed among the sessions along with hands-on workshops including Jewish Yoga, Torah-scroll lettering, quilting and creative writing. Meals and childcare will be included.

In addition, this year, middle school students in grades 6-8 will have their own full day of sessions to talk about issues that pertain to them, including the people who influence their lives, social action and social justice, being their own bosses and tzniut – the Jewish concept of modesty. Students will be challenged to find their voices and to use them to make changes in their communities and in the world as a whole.

To view the conference schedule, visit www.jofa.com.

Two films will make their U.S. debut at the JOFA Film Festival. The first, “Persian Lullaby,” directed by Keren Hakkak, tells the story of Dafna, a 40-year-old single mother who arrives at her parents’ home a few days before her son’s brit and is snubbed by her father, an elderly Persian Jew. The second, “Shira,” directed by Miryam Adler, focuses on the film’s namesake, a young woman with five small children who struggles with issues of family planning against the backdrop of halakhic (Jewish legal) imperatives. The JOFA Film Festival addresses the challenge of maintaining and even celebrating traditional Jewish values while embracing the modern world. The festival will include screenings of 13 dramas, comedies, documentaries and shorts from the U.S. and Israel, and discussions with select directors and producers. A complete list of the films and the trailers can be viewed at www.jofa.org.

Conference tickets, including breakfast and lunch: $75 (adult); $50 (educator or under 30); $36 (student). Film Festival tickets: $36 (adult); $25 (educator or under 30); $20 (student). Discounts are available when combined with the JOFA Conference. To register, visit www.jofa.org or contact Karen Sponder at 212-679-7814 or karen.sponder@jofa.org.

Please Contact Wendy Hirschhorn at 212-826-8790 or wendyhi@nyc.rr.com to arrange interviews with JOFA members and Conference attendees in your readership.

Figure skating is among the many professions that seem like they will never be open to an Orthodox Jewish girl. It’s not just the outfits that reveal far more thigh and shoulder action than the average day school dress code. Although, interestingly, the lovely Israeli pairs’ team, Alexandra and Roman Zaretsky, tried hard to transform Orthodox attire into an ethnically intriguing skating costume; they did not quite pull it off, in part because all the above-the-knee skin made it a bit inauthentic and in part because it’s hard for me to idealize so-called “modest” women’s attire as something quaint, like a an Indian sari or Sioux headdress. Mostly, though, it’s simply hard to imagine an Orthodox Jewish couple dancing with such ardor. It’s of like trying to imagine President Obama knitting, or Rabbi Ovadia Yosef doing yoga.

There are certain aspirations that are pretty much unacceptable for Orthodox girls: Broadway actress. Astronaut. Cellist with the philharmonic. President of the United States. University president. Surgeon general. Bus driver. Sanitation worker. Police woman. Pilot. Mohel. Shochet. Rabbi (though that may be changing). Sure, there are lots of seemingly reasonable excuses given: Some professions demand working on Friday night, some demand “indecent” clothing, some are too “physical”, and some are just, well , pas nisht, or not done.

There are moments in my life, though, when I get that pang. That sort of “what if” melody rising through my chest.

READ THE REST AT THE FORWARD SISTERHOOD

That said, there seems to be a particular fire in talkbacks relating to religious Judaism. Michaelson noticed this as well, what he called, “rage…dressed up in religious rhetoric.” In my writings on topics of gender and religious life at the Forward, in The Jerusalem Post, and elsewhere, I’ve been called a “man wannabe,” an “anti-Semite” and other names. It’s intriguing to me that essays about cultural trends often merit one or two comments while comments about gender and religion can get 20–30 comments. There is an ire around religious issues (especially gender) that begs explication. Michaelson calls for collective anger management, but I think there is something else at work here.

This trend took a rather vile turn recently when my daughter Avigayil wrote a column here about her experience being attacked by haredim at the Kotel. The confluence of attacks — in-person attacks, in which she and the women with whom she was with were called “ ‘men,’ ‘lesbians,’ ‘devils,’ [and] ‘Christians,’” followed by talkback attacks questioning her entire life, her family, her integrity, and whether or not she actually wrote the article — made for some particularly creepy moments. One memorable talk-backer called my daughter a “provocateur in victim’s clothing,” evoking some very dark imagery, and making me doubt the wisdom of sending my daughter out alone into the dark and treacherous alleyways of the Internet.

Although virtual vitriol abounds, I think it is worth conducting some narrative analysis of talkback texts in these locations, which I believe shed important light on the rhetorical dynamics endemic to contemporary Orthodox culture.

For one thing, language of absolutes — with unbending black lines demarking absolute “in” and absolute “out” — condemn to illegitimacy ideas of equality and, of course, feminism. In a recent debate about gender in the “Jewish Professionals” group on LinkedIn — one that, by Internet standards, was entirely civil — a man named “Reuven” commented that:

It is not proper for women to have leadership roles in Judaism. … There are those who wish to rebel against the old-fashioned gender roles assigned by the Torah, and that is their choice, but please don’t call your feminist views Judaism. It’s simply not true.

According to this view, there is absolute Torah, and absolute truth, and any change to “old-fashioned” gender hierarchies is by definition outside of those truths and therefore not Judaism.

READ THE REST AT THE FORWARD SISTERHOOD

Unique linguistic forms abound, and provide intriguing insights into cultures. According to Adam Jacot de Boinod, author of ‘The Meaning of Tingo’, the Khakas people of Siberia have a word for the ring you put in the nose of a calf in order to stop it suckling its mother (“oorxax”); Indonesian has a word for flicking someone with the middle finger on the ear (“nylentik”); Hawaiian has a word for scratching your head in order to remember something forgotten (“pana po’o”);  Pascuense in Easter Island has a word for a slight inflammation of the throat caused by screaming too much (“ngaobera”); Persian has a word for looking beautiful after having a disease (“mahj”); and Brazilian Portuguese has a word for the practice of putting a live cricket into a box of newly faked documents, until the insect’s excrement makes the paper look convincingly old (“grigalem”).

So what’s Hebrew’s claim to fame?

I would have liked to find a word, perhaps, for that hand gesture of squeezing thumb and middle finger in order to indicate to the viewer, “wait.” But no, we Jews are not quite that lucky. Instead, what distinguishes our culture is that ours is the only language in the world that has the word “agunah.”

An agunah is a woman indefinitely stuck in an unwanted marriage, in which the husband is gone but she is still considered married. It is the word for a woman’s perpetual state of limbo, in which she is chained to a man who has complete freedom to move, marry, produce offspring and live a normal life. The cruelty reflected in a society that enables even one agunah to exist — and accepts this situation as a reality to such an extent that it gives her a name — should bring us all enormous shame.

International Agunah Day is marked on Ta’anit Esther, which this year falls on Thursday February 25. I think it’s fitting but tragic to combine the Esther story with the agunah story. After all, according to the traditional story, Esther was trapped in an unwanted marriage as well, to King Ahasverosh, a man known for murdering disobedient wives and around whom Esther had to completely disguise her identity. In this marriage, Esther sacrificed her own freedom, her own dreams, and her own life, presumably for the sake of the Jewish people — although it takes several chapters of the book and an indeterminate number of years for a threat to surface. I hate to say this but in a way, it’s a good thing Haman came along and gave her enslavement a greater purpose. If not, her sacrifice would have been for naught.

READ THE REST ON THE FORWARD SISTERHOOD