Elana Sztokman

(The analysis of cultural differences contained below is based on my doctoral thesis, available at the Hebrew University library and other places). Last night, a 16-year old boy shared with me some insights from his recent experience of switching to an all-American school in Israel. "Our classes are conducted all in English," he said, "but that wasn't the best part. When kids wanted to talk, they raised their hands first! Now that was surprising!" As if to say, in his entire repertoire of experiences in Israeli classrooms, he has never seen kids systematically raising their hands to talk. His comment underscores the depth of cultural differences between Americans and Israelis. The Israeli culture of discourse, full of constant interruption, heavy gesticulating, and unsmiling, un-nuanced interactions, can be quite jarring to many Anglo immigrants (though those of hailing us from New York perhaps shouldn't rush to judge.) Read the rest of this entry →

The following article, published in the current issue of The Journal of Jewish Education, explores the difference between education for Orthodox religiousness and education for spirituality. The article, based on bits of my doctoral research, argues that the dogmatic, linear, "you're either in or out" approach that characterizes much of Orthodox education, does not leave much room for spirituality. So often, religiousness is instilled as an end product, a monolithic corpus of ideas to be singularly transmitted and subsequently owned by youth. In reality, though, youth are thirsting for opportunities to grapple, question, and wrestle with profound theological and philosophical issues—a process that ultimately leads to a richer religious identity. Spirituality amid dogma? Some approaches to educating for religious belief within in a State-Religious school in Israel :

I like being religious. But sometimes, I hate the way the rabbis preach things. I like to see what’s written, the Mishna, the Gemara, the Torah…and to do what they tell me. But I hate that the rabbis philosophize all the time. I don’t go to any rabbis or anything, I don’t like all that rubbish…. but I am religious the way I think I should be. (Tamar, 14).

Ilana Teitelbaum, in "'What not to wear' should never be more than a TV show", , offers an insightful, intelligent and personal account of how rules of women's dress are oppressive, an essay that reminded me of some of my own high school experiences:

I grew up with an enforced code of modesty, and was implacably shaped by the attitudes that go with such an upbringing. I was raised an Orthodox Jew in a stringently Orthodox Jerusalem neighborhood. I grew up under the constant, watchful eyes of teachers, principals and neighbors who would make an instant judgment about me if my attire did not conform to the strict standards of Orthodox Jewish law. One teacher in the tenth grade, an internationally respected rabbi, singled me out in the middle of class for a tongue-lashing because I was wearing my hair loose on my shoulders. In the ultra-Orthodox community, such licentious display of a girl’s hair is a flagrant offense.Coming from a community in America where such standards are more relaxed, this was my first exposure to the rule. My homeroom teacher later told our class that this same rabbi would have fainted if he had known we were wearing knee socks instead of tights under our duty-length skirts (trousers, which reveal the legs and groin, are expressly forbidden). I suppose it’s a good thing he never looked up our skirts, though I can’t help wondering why he would be thinking about what was under them in the first place.

One of the greatest moments in my son's educational life may not have happened had he been in a co-ed class. It was the day he brought his baby sister in for show and tell. I've been thinking about this story since reading today's New York Times article on single-sex education. The debate over single-sex versus co-ed education, which has a new significance since becoming legal in the public educational system in America, is particularly charged in the Orthodox Jewish world. Read the rest of this entry →

All these years, I thought I was alone. I thought I was the only one who struggled nightly for hours on end, letting go any hopes of having some relaxing time with my family after a long day of school and work. I did not realize that everyone else who has school-age children in Israel also spends every evening battling homework.

I really did not picture parenthood this way. Before the kids enter school, nighttime is often a time of bath, books, stories, and play. At 8PM, all gets quiet and my spouse and I can have some quiet breathing time to remember what the other one looks like. But as soon as school starts, the dream of creating a family life slowly fades into the distance. My kids are doing homework until way past my bedtime, and there is never, ever a release from pressure. I find myself telling young mothers who are deliberating over work and home balancing that the balance is easy when the children are little. It’s when they get into school that they really demand your time. That’s when we have to teach them all the subjects that teachers drop in our laps.

This past weekend, I learned that I was not alone.

The Jewish world lost a gem last week. Dr. Aryeh Geiger, founder of the pioneering Reut School in Jerusalem, founder of Ometz Hinuchi for principal independence, creator of the Gidonim project for the renewal of Eastern European Jewish cemeteries, died last week after a long and uphill battle with cancer. But his long list of amazing achievements does not capture what made him truly great. His greatness was who he was as a person. Aryeh Geiger embodied kindness and care as an entire world view. He built relationships and institutions on the same principle of spirituality as human connection. He never veered from these unwavering beliefs, and dedicated every ounce of his life to transmitting this love for humankind. I had the privilege of interviewing Aryeh Geiger last year, right after he called a meeting of the staff, students, and parents in Reut, to announce to the community that he was stepping down due to his illness. "I am lucky to be able to prepare for my departure from the community," he said with tragic calmness. This was a man for whom life and death formed a challenge and an opportunity. I'm reprinting the interview below from Jewish Educational Leadership. May his memory be a blessing. It already is. Read the rest of this entry →

Reposting a 2007 essay published in the Jerusalem Report entitled "Westward Ho!" Negotiations between university staff and the treasury officially broke down this morning, so it looks like Israel is headed for another higher education strike. Ho-hum, can someone please pass the salt? The incapacitation of our educational system has become so routine that it barely even registers a headline. Over the past two years, we have had an extended teacher strike, a drawn out student strike, a semester-long senior professor strike followed by a junior lecturer strike, and a whole series of parent strikes around the country. This situation should really give us pause. The educational system is, in fact, crashing. I wrote about this last year in an essay published in The Jerusalem Report. I’m reviving the essay here because the situation has only deteriorated. I say this with great sorrow, as someone who spent 13 years at Hebrew University as student and employee, holds a doctorate in education, and not least of all has four children sprawled through the educational system in Israel. The educational system in Israel is very, very depressing. I hope that the next Israeli government successfully places education as the top priority. I have some suggestions for how to do it, but I will wait until the next Education Minister is in place and then post my “Close Down the Education Ministry” post. Stay tuned. Meanwhile, here is my article about higher education in Israel: Westward Ho! Read the rest of this entry →

In the 15+ years that I've been a parent, I have probably been to over 100 parent meetings of different types. Since we've lived in four cities in three countries during that time, and since our four kids have switched frameworks a few times before finding the right match, I would say I have probably experienced close to 30 different schools and preschools as a parent. And from my informal observations, the one thing that is consistent across communities and continents is this: both teachers and parents at these meetings are predominantly women. Prof. Amos Rolider, an amazing educational researcher whose work I have cited elsewhere on the issue of school violence, recently conducted a fascinating study that confirms my observations. He claims that 95% of school events that require parents are handled by mothers. This is significant not merely because of the classic double shift that it places on women -- that women are doing a disproportionate share of childcare duties -- but also because of the implications for fatherhood. Kids need their fathers, Rolider argues with a passion for the common sense. Kids need active fathers, and fathers need to be around for their kids. Read the rest of this entry →

Read an earlier version this post on the Kolech English Website, Jewish Woman's Voice This essay was published in the JJerusalem Post op-ed pages on September 24. There are moments when I find myself truly ashamed to be part of Israeli society. I had a moment like that recently as I stood outside the Supreme Court with women from “Ahoti ”, a Sephardic feminist organization waiting for a ruling on the religious girls’ school in Emanuel where racism is so entrenched that parents will do all it takes to keep antiquated Jim-Crow-like separations in place. What is happening in the Beit Yakov school is nothing less than the formalization of racism. Here the school implements a policy in which Sephardic girls are not allowed to be in a class with Ashkenazi or “Hasidic” girls, and they have different teachers, different classes, and even different recess times and a fence between their yards just to ensure that the two groups of girls do not heaven forbid mingle during the breaks. It's not just Emanuel, but in other religious girls’ schools around the country, such as Elad, where parents protested to ensure that a Sephardic girl would not be allowed in to the class. Protested! There have been reports from around the country of girls being rejected or ejected from schools because of the color of their skin or their last name. And even though the Supreme Court ruled last week that the apartheid has to end, the school and parents are refusing to comply, thus rejecting civil as well as moral obligations. This is not the post-Civil war south but Israel of 2008, where I would have expected more people to be outraged by this blatant racism. Read the rest of this entry →

All it takes is one bully to make a room unsafe for everyone. Teachers know this, kids undoubtedly know this, and parents of kids who have been bullied know this. It's a fact that perhaps defies logic -- after all, in this world of multi-culturalism, pluralism, post-modernism and every other expression of interpersonal laissez-faire, we would assume that one person's disposition makes little difference. We supposedly don't care. Right? Wrong. All the live-and-let-live stuff gets destroyed when there is one bully in the room. One. That's all it takes to destroy a community. All it takes is one person in a group, workplace, or synagogue, to undermine other people's emotional and physical safety. One bully, or what psychologists scientifically refer to as a "bad apple", and a lot of hard work can be ruined. Read the rest of this entry →