Elana Sztokman

In today's YNETToday I usually feel pretty lucky. On Nov 25 each year, International Day against Violence against Women, supportive media will show us statistics about rape, wife-murder, and domestic violence. Usually, I can come back home and take a deep breath. Thank God, I think, I've never been beaten by my spouse under my own roof or raped, so I have always counted my blessings. But this year, something has changed. Read the rest of this entry →

When I was an 18-year-old yeshiva high school graduate from Brooklyn, one of the biggest questions on the minds of my female friends and me — right after, who will get engaged next? — was, who is going to “frum out” in Israel? You know, it’s what happens during that post-high school yeshiva experience in Israel: the skirts get longer, the bowing gets deeper during prayers, which also increase in frequency. The phrases “Baruch hashem” (thank God) and “bli neder” (no vow) go from a mere drizzle in one’s vocabulary to a full blown hurricane, and obedience to one’s teachers completely overtakes all ability to think independently, express flexibility and demonstrate a sense of humor. Yes, frumming out. I went through a somewhat modified version myself. I spent around 5-6 years wearing floor-sweeping skirts, spent my first four years of marriage wearing a head covering (baruch hashem, that’s over) and for a while actually believed that reward and punishment were readily apparent in everyday life. (A few good terror attacks relieved me of that notion.) I’m about to turn 40, and I’m (baruch hashem) over most of that now, as are many of my contemporaries. I often talk with my friends over Shabbat lunch about our journeys back and forth between religion, God and self. Although the journey is enlightening, I wonder how much of the pain is necessary. Put differently, some days I’m angry at my teachers. Read the rest at the Forward Sisterhood. Read the rest of this entry →

Last week I had the privilege of being on Nettie Feldman's internet radio program "Rusty Mike" to talk about the agunah problem in Israel. She invited Rabbi Eli Ben Dehan, head of the Jerusalem Beit Din, to talk about his solutions to the problem. His response, "You're making it up." That is how the Jerusalem Beit Din approaches the problem. Agunot, women's groups, legal advocates -- we are all hallucinating. It would be funny if there weren't so many real lives being ruined by this myopic callousness. Anyway, you can listen for yourself. Click here for the podcast. Read the rest of this entry →

The overwhelming assumption in many circles is that anti-Zionism is the only authentic feminist position. This knee-jerk position assumes that caring about human rights and equality necessitates a view Israel as a great patriarchal enemy. I support Jewish-Muslim women’s peace efforts, and I completely support the notion that women must play a key role in bringing change to the Middle East. Women’s language, social tools and shared cultural history have the potential to alter the discourse of Palestinian-Israeli relations, by placing human relationships and care above power politics. But I don’t believe that by saying this, I should have to denounce Israel’s right to exist. I live in Israel; my family proudly serves in the army; my efforts to promote equity, fairness and democracy in Israel are based on an unwavering belief in Israel’s right to safely exist and defend its people. I believe in fighting injustice within Israeli society — not in attacking Israel at its core. But this nuanced approach rarely finds public expression, and that’s very challenging for me. Read the rest on the Forward Sisterhood. Read the rest of this entry →

The sight of a Jewish champion, standing in that emotionally sweaty pose raising victorious fists in front of the Israeli flag, is enough to bring tears into the eyes of Jews everywhere. But Yuri Foreman, who three-time world champion Daniel Santos for the WBA Super Welterweight title, has become a phenomenon for the other aspect of his life: he's also an ultra-Orthodox rabbinical student. The excitement with which his personality and lifestyle have been greeted is understandable though a bit bizarre. I mean, I get the ethnic pride. You know, Jewish guys everywhere, including in my own house, have gotten a huge boost here. It's cute, actually. But really, at the risk of stating the obvious, I would like to ask the following: Doesn't the idea of kicking the wind out of someone until he's knocked unconscious go against some mitzvah somewhere? Read the rest of this entry →

Last week, I gave a talk at Bar Ilan University at Dr. Adam Ferziger's department seminar, where I presented my research on Orthodox masculinities. We were talking about Paul Kivel's "Be a Man Box," an incredibly useful tool for helping boys develop healthy gender identity, a tool which I have adapted to Orthodox men and have come to call the "Be an Orthodox Man Box" (the "BOMB" for short). It's a topic I've been writing and speaking about a lot recently, since completing my post-doc research on the subject, and I'm finishing up the second draft of my book on the subject, which PG will be published one day, sooner rather than later. (One of these days, I will write a longer blog post about the entire thesis....) So I was conducting a very lively discussion with MA and PhD students, mostly Orthodox, about how religious Jewish men are socialized into gender identity: Read the rest of this entry →

The current issue of the JOFA Journal offers a smorgasbord of thoughtful articles about clothing in Orthodoxy, aka "tznius". President Carol Kaufman Newman writes about how different today's Orthodoxy is compared to when she was growing up and freely wore cheerleader outfits. "I would be less than honest if I did not confess that all this covering up gives me pause." Dvora Zlochower offers a halakhic analysis and says that rabbinic opinions cannot be divorced from social norms. The issue of women’s pants “go beyond a narrower question of whether women’s pants are begged ish to their cultural and social significance as roles for women begin changing and expanding,” she writes. Raquel M. Ukeles continues the cultural theme by offering a riveting comparison of contemporary Judaism and Islam in conversation with Western society Read the rest of this entry →

“The only organization that can successfully bring onto one stage the head of the Knesset opposition and the head of the Knesset coalition is Mavoi Satum,” said Likud head MK Zeev Elkin at Mavoi Satum’s annual Leah Globe Memorial Evening. The event, held this past Monday night at Jerusalem’s Cinematheque, honored Hebrew University President Prof Menachem Ben Sasson, Yaakov Herzog Founding President Tova Ilan, and longtime volunteer Jeremy Berkovits, for their important contributions to the advancement of agunot. “The issue of agunot and mesoravot get crosses coalition and party boundaries,” Elkin continued, “and the Knesset needs to do more in the way of legislation about this issue.” MK Daliah Itzik congratulated Prof. Ben Sasson on his success in passing the Law of Division of Property in 2008, and said that “he was willing to take on his shoulders full responsibility for this issue, to the point of risking the fall of the government.” She added that Prof. Ben Sasson is “sorely missed” at the Knesset and that “we need more Ben Sassons in government.” MK Itzik also congratulated Mavoi Satum for lobbying diligence. Read the rest of this entry →

Tune in to the Afternoon Shmooze talk show on the Rusty Mike Internet Radio station this Thursday, Nov. 12, 12:30 pm, where I will be discussing what’s being done to speed up the process with host Nettie Feldman and with Rabbinical Court Director Rabbi Eliyahu Ben-Dahan. To listen, go to www.rustymikeradio.com and click on the "Listen Live" button. You’ll also be able to download the podcast several days after the show by clicking here. "See" you there! Read the rest of this entry →

I have a knack for embarrassing my children. Like when I sing along while they listen to “Funkytown” with their friends (is it my fault 80’s music is the new retro fad?) Or when I start doing the hip-hop line-dance to Mary J. Blige’s “Just Fine” in the middle of the living room. “Ima, please stop,” is what I usually get in response. (Just for the record, my oldest daughter secretly loved the dance and had me show it to her, but she’ll never admit that to her friends.) So I speak, sing, and dance to my heart’s delight, but invariably endure that unmistakable look of desperately seeking out the nearest rock to crawl under. Ah, motherhood. One day they will hopefully all grow up and find me charming and endearing. I just hope I’m still lucid when that day comes. Recently, though, the embarrassment reached new heights when I did something so mortifying that my beautiful 12-year-old daughter actually went running to the other side of the park. READ THE REST ON THE FORWARD SISTERHOOD Read the rest of this entry →