The Ultra Orthodox Takeover of El Al
It felt like I had just walked into a men’s locker room. Ultra-Orthodox men, dozens of them, obviously identified in their black garb from velvet hats on down to socks, swarmed the El Al aircraft looking for spaces where there were no women. They nosed and investigated and negotiated with one another as if working out the precise details of a business exchange — who will move where and whose wives would sit next to that Israeli girl (gasp) wearing jeans (double gasp!!). The men talked, and the women followed instructions.
Surrounded by throngs of men discussing these vital matters of sex segregation in public spaces, I became overwhelmingly aware of my gender. My presence as Woman became all defining, like in that locker room, or perhaps in the Orthodox synagogue — disparate versions of the same cultural norms. Women as outsiders, threatening, a presence to be avoided and perhaps repelled.
In case I had any doubts, I was eventually approached by a flight attendant — a lovely, caring, twenty-something woman with an easy smile and bright blue eyes — who was charged with the doormat-inducing task of making all passengers happy. Now, clearly struggling to rearrange seats in order to accommodate the woman-repelling men, she asked me if I would mind if my daughter and I would switch seats with two men in the back who were “uncomfortable sitting next to a woman.”
So here it is. The ultra-Orthodox take-over of El Al. Haredi men, trying to create a woman-free zone wherever they happen to be, have no qualms about asking everyone else to accommodate their sexism. They try and legitimize this insanity by turning their obsession into another “special need.” The way airplanes provide wheelchairs for the infirm and sugar-free meals for diabetics. We might as well call haredi men “womanly-challenged,” or perhaps “vagina-challenged” — after all, it doesn’t matter what I wear, what I say, what I do, where I’m from, or what I actually look like. I may be 95 years old, mute, and wearing a cloak. If I have a vagina, I’m to be avoided. Some people are allergic to peanuts, and others to women. Some are lactose intolerant, and others are vagina-intolerant.
So this is what I’ve become. I am suddenly the guy in the room with a vagina, repellent and repugnant, a sexual stimulus, an impure body, a deviation from holiness for this whole group of men who suddenly seem to take up much more space than I am comfortable with.
No, I did not change my seat. I told the flight attendant in no uncertain terms that a man who is “uncomfortable near a woman” should suffer with himself. She smiled and said, “I understand.” A few minutes later, a second flight attendant repeated the request, and added, “It’s for your own comfort.” Nice attempt at a sales pitch, I thought sardonically, but no sale. Why should I inconvenience myself in order to make comfortable a person who views me as a second class citizen, as a dirty, threatening creature not to be seen or heard anywhere in the vicinity of Holy Man? Who would even consider doing such a thing? I was genuinely astonished by the whole thing.
My daughter, on the other hand, was embarrassed that I was talking so emphatically to the flight attendants (though to be fair, it doesn’t take much for teenagers to be embarrassed by their parents). “Couldn’t you just say, ‘No, thank you’ and be done with it?” she asked. I’m glad that she is concerned about not hurting people’s feelings. That’s a good thing. But I told her that if we don’t speak up, if we don’t talk back to this imposing culture, it will continue to loom and bulldoze women. And if we are not willing to speak up for ourselves and our most basic human rights, how can we expect others to be outraged on our behalf? Our struggle starts right here, with moments like this.
I went to speak to the flight attendants, who were anxiously huddling as they observed the haredi men. “I have never felt like this on a flight,” I said, “like I’m a woman and therefore I shouldn’t really be here.”
“Imagine how I feel,” said one of the women. “I have to serve them.”
“We agree with you,” said the second. “But what can we do? It’s our job to make every passenger comfortable. If this is what they want, we have to accommodate them. We have to do it.”
“No you don’t,” I countered. “You can tell your supervisors that this is NOT a legitimate policy.”
It is NOT a legitimate request. In fact, El Al needs to understand that women’s basic need not to be slighted and insulted are part of the mission of “making everyone comfortable.” Imagine how these haredi men would react if they were asked to move because some white supremacist on the plane was “uncomfortable sitting next to a Jew.” Would that be a legitimate request? Would the flight attendants rush to ask Jews to move in order to accommodate a racist request? I highly doubt it. That would not be considered a legitimate request. So why is it legitimate to ask the same thing of women? Why is it still okay to say to our faces, “Women, you need to make yourselves scarce.”? Why are women the last ones to be granted the most basic forms of human dignity?
We need to stand up and say that it is NOT okay to ask women to move to the back of the bus or the back of the plane. That it is NOT okay to ask women to adjust themselves for male sexism, even if these men claim to be acting in the name of religious belief. Because the God that I know believes all human creatures to be equal. The God that I know would not allow the needs of one human being to trample the dignity of another human being. This it not a religious struggle. This is a basic human struggle.
May 10th, 2009 at 6:51 am
Indeed.
I just returned to the US from a week teaching in Israel, my first trip in 8 years (and my 7th trip since my adolescent years). I was stuck on the shuttle from the airport to Jerusalem with a large collection of Haredi men whose negativity towards my presence was unsettling and enraging. First time I’ve ever felt unwelcome in Israel.
I applaud your taking a stand, and letting the flight attendants know that it is never their job to accommodate bias. Your daughter will be proud of you for this someday, I’m sure!
If haredi men don’t want to sit next to women,they need to stay off public transport- and that includes airplanes. Charter their own, if they require a mechitzah not only to daven but also to simply exist. I urge all Jewish women to refuse to cooperate with this denial of the humanity of women. This isn’t the Judaism I was raised in; sounds more like the Taliban than Yiddishkeit.
May 10th, 2009 at 10:59 am
On a recent flight to London on ElAl I saw a haredi passenger refuse to sit next to a woman. The woman was asked if she would like to move seats and she gently said to the flight attendant that she thought that the request was offensive to women. She did not move and the haredi man did not sit down. He won at he end as they quickly moved him to business class to avoid a delay in taking off! In my eyes this was a chilul hashem. All the modern orthodox people on the plane were embarrassed about the whole thing and the secular passengers were all furious and disgusted about this persons behaviour. This is not religious it is insane. Not caring about how women feel and asking them to move becuase they are women is criminal!
May 10th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
They should have sent the WOMAN to business class!! She should sue them for the humiliation.
May 10th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
I had a similar situation a few years ago. I had a lovely seat by an exit with lots of legroom, and suddenly a huge Haredi man came over and asked me if I was in the right seat. When I replied in the affirmative, he said ominously, “Then we have a problem.”
Soon enough, the flight attendants came to try to coax me to give up my seat. To this day I don’t understand why moving *me* was the answer instead of moving him, but I refused to move. I was actually told that my refusal was delaying takeoff (!). Finally a religious man agreed to switch seats with the Haredi man, and the problem was solved.
I admit, I didn’t say anything about offensiveness to women. But then, I was 22 or something. My only response was, “Sorry, no.”
May 10th, 2009 at 9:55 pm
Wow, so the guy was threatening. That fits. This issue is becoming increasingly accompanied by violent behavior.
Plus, constructing you as a “problem” was really manipulative. Why should you have to feel like you’re a “problem” for sitting in your seat? Unbelievable. Very disturbing that the flight attendants bought into that view…
I’m impressed that you stood your ground. Your instincts were good, especially for someone so “young”….We don’t always have the language to explain what we know to be right and wrong…
elana
May 11th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
One time I was so annoyed at the haredi men blocking the aisle in the back when I really needed to use the restroom that I barreled through them, announcing that I was niddah. Boy, you should have seen them scatter. Not nice, but I was very angry.
May 11th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
funny…
loved your book, by the way
May 12th, 2009 at 10:49 pm
Read your blog, seems to be its based on the assumption that this is a form of sexism vs. halacha. Halacha prohibits touching between unmarried/unrelated sexes, so why shouldn’t that be considered instead of the harsh “feminist” point of view. In a small enclosed space like an airplane touching is almost inevitable It very well might be that these specific people don’t have the proper respect for woman but why automatically judge them. It seems to this reader that by reacting so strongly you are giving these men more of a reason to act as such. Anyway just my opinion.
May 13th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
Dear Charles
Thanks for writing in.
First of all, why is “feminist” in quotes?
Second of all, so what if touching is inevitable? Rabbi Moshe Feinstein ruled that it is not against halakha to sit next to a woman on public transport, even if there may be touching. Many other men who have been dedicated to halakha have sat next to women on planes.
My very wise husband also pointed out that ten years ago, all of these men would have sat next to women. And moreover, today, if they were to, say, travel on Continental, they would not dare make these requests.
And the idea that my act of speaking out gives men “a reason to act as such” is as absurd as it is insulting. I would not be in a position of having to “react” if “these men” would not persist in demanding that the entire society conform to their sexist expectations.
B’vracha,
Elana
May 14th, 2009 at 1:41 am
Just saw your response to my comment now…Thank you.
May 16th, 2009 at 2:32 am
IM NOT ATTACKING YOU!!! (just opining):)
re-response: Feminist is in quotes bec its logical to deduce that that is the box on which u r preaching from (dont get upset not meant as an insult just observation) but im not sure so i put in that way.
Not against halacha and not the way someone wants to live are two different things. It is so easy to attack chasidim (im a litvak btw) especially with generalizations (im guilty) that “these men” expect society to confrom to them. And in this case they did not…look from an outside point of view you are a frum lady they probobly thought you would look at their request not as sexism or selfishness but rather as a request for them to follow their own strict halachic standards. Whether they were insensitive about the way in which they asked i dont know but they do have a valid point of view.
May 17th, 2009 at 3:36 am
Dear Charles,
The idea of wanting to live by halakha is of course valid. But all of this is really quite a distortion of halakha. It’s fanaticism, a blame-the-woman kind of fanaticism that has nothing to do with God and everything to do with what men in power really think of women. And for that reason, I have to say that no, I don’t really think of it as a legitimate perspective (a statement which may anger the post-modernists as much as the haredim). This is what I’m saying. No, it’s not a legitimate halakhic perspective.
I say it not as a feminist, but as a woman. Someone who treats me with a kind of contempt, an inability to sit in the same airplane row as me or to look at a photo of someone of my “kind” (read, female) is not acting out of halakha but out of a disdain for me as a human being. This perspective is NOT legitimate and not valid.
If they want strict standards, let them give more zedaka and spend their afternoons in a homeless shelter. These men should first finish doing all the mitzvot that the torah explicitly says to do — looking after the sick, the poor, the elderly — and then perhaps work on their OWN tsnius if it’s so important to them. But imprisoning women and treating them with disgust this way is certainly not halakhic. It goes against the very central concept of “vea’havta ‘lreacha kamocha” — love your neighbor as yourself.
Thanks for writing and continuing the conversation.
B’vracha,
Elana
May 20th, 2009 at 9:29 am
This reminds me of a similiar experience where my wife and I were sitting behind each other because we needed a bassinet for our 2-month old daughter (now school age) and we find ourselves beside a young very religeous, very over dressed couple. Without thinking we switched seats quite frequently so that one of us could sleep while the other was keeping an eye on the little one (first time parents of course). The thing was that every time we switched, the couple were “forced” to wake each other up and swap seats so God forbid theh shouldn’t have to sit next to someone of the opposite sex. I think my wife (a MaTaN grad)responded to their objections by offering to open a shulchan aruch - or she might have just told them to take a hike. Either way - your response is commendable. Thanks for the writings
November 30th, 2009 at 7:23 pm
I was travelling with my ten year old daughter from Lax to Jfk on a red eye on Thanksgiving night. The plane was completely full and the only seats that we were able to get were two aisle seat infront of each other. Of course when ask if anyone would like to change seats everyone put their heads down and refused because they wanted the window seats. After takeoff I went to the back of the plane and found two seats together. A Orthodox older person was sitting on the aisle and he place his carryon under the middle seat so that he can stretch out. the flt attendent went to move this person beg and when he realize it was for me and my daughter he went balistic. He refused to move. He said I should stay were I was. The attendent tried to explain to him that my seat was broken and my seat back did not reclined. He did not care. He tramatized my daughter with his yelling. I could not believe this was happening on an American Airline flight. He was pure evil. I am not Jews. I was so taken aback by this man’s actions that I had to research it. This how I ended up on this page. I can now understand what type of person I was dealing with. I am writing a complaint letter to American Airlines because before we boarded I saw him speaking with the gate agent and I believe his seating was planned ahead. The agent could’ve easily given me those two seat together. This person did not pay for the two extra seats. Next time if I ever encounter this sitution it will be a different senerio.